Acknowledgement or a confession
Since i was about 2 months old, I’ve had a condition which made the involuntary nervous control of my neck muscles weak. Due to this, I do not have complete control over my neck and unconsciously “shake” it from one side to the other.
Unfortunately since its not under my control, I never realize when I’m shaking my head. Most people understandably find it weird or funny, but surprisingly to me some people think I’m mocking them during a conversation (as I shockingly found out recently) which of course is not my intention.
And it’s not like I’ve not tried getting it treated. My parents and I have consulted more than 50 docs over the years without success. I have tried allopathy, homeopathy, ayurveda, physiotherapy, yoga, concentration exercises etc. And yes, (very unlike me) even meditation. But as obvious, to no avail :(
While most people ignore it, many tend to make fun by giving me names, mimicking it or joking about it behind my back. As a kid, I’d get upset (quite a bit) with anyone who made fun. But as I’ve grown up, I’ve started to ignore it all, even suppressing a very strong feeling to confront a colleague who was making fun. Ultimately decided that someone like that is not worth me getting upset (and it being a weekend also helped :) )
why am I writing all this? And out of the blue? I don’t know. But I just felt like “venting” when a guy who goes by the same bus as me mimicked me.
Maybe it is this that has made me the social inept and introvert that I am. It’s not that I am short of self-confidence (or according to mom, I’m over confident) but I’ve somehow held back on interacting with people, very importantly, acquaintances (people I know but who I don’t consider friends)